It's all over...

Well, contrary to the expectations of many the Hampstead Homey has won the third series of The Apprentice. Simon Ambrose has his work cut out. Already from a wealthy background you get a sense that he feels he has a lot to prove. This is a challenge in itself, trying to compare to father and grandfather btu he has a greater challenge in that many felt he did not deserve to win. In terms of quality of contestants this series fell way short compared to the last 2 series and the last 3 finalists of the last series were a cut above the finalists in series 3 but hey who am I to say! Kristina was focused I will give her that but you got the sense that Sir Alan does not need someone of her calabre anymore. Even though he started out selling car aerials from humble beginnings it is innovation and creativity he needs now and he thinks Simon can fill this role. Let's see where we are in a years time with Simon and another set of foolhardy contestants....

The reality of business

Now, Jadine pushed herself to the limit. She had calmed down and had actually been doing pretty ok but this episode was to be the last for her. She missed her daughter. That's human and no matter what "The Tre" says there is nothing one can do about this.

But is this the harsh reality of business or the reality of reality TV shows which in reality are not really reality but are perceived to be reality for the reality of many!

She has been away for weeks from her daughter and not all high flying executives are away this long from their loved ones at any one stretch so without much ado we should wish Jadine good luck. She had also reached her limit against the remaining would be apprentices. We are getting down to the wire now. Sir Alan has a mission. Basically he will shoot down Katie whenever she appears on the losing side or even if she makes the last two. By this stage there will probably have been a national 'Fire Katie!' campaign launched by the tabloids.

Why or why am I warming to the prospect of the Hampstead Homey actually winning this! Simon is in the running for sure. Lohit will be fodder before long but its all about when will Kaite go!

The Bodygurards

The Bodyguards
Unless you have skin like leather your hair must stand on end whenever you get a glimpse of Sir Alan’s bodyguards. Who you say? You would think that a £700m fortune would enable him to get some big bruisers, part man and part hulk to follow him everywhere and protect him from world at large should he encounter any unsavoury characters. But no he has realized he does not need the typical burly bodyguard to shield him. He employs Nick “The Nail” Hewer and Margaret “Ice” Mountford, his trusted advisors who lead double lives appearing on world wide federation wrestling events globally.

Surely these contestants know how far they can go. When Margy coldly asks "what is bump and grind?" it was Jadine with no fear who calmly tells her 'it's like the Tango'. Brave Jadine dared to speak to the Ice Lady but credit to her, Margy bought it but at the same time she looked at this sorry bunch and said you will not harm my Alan on this task.

Nicky boy Hewer. The Gandolf of the boardroom. Although I sometimes wonder if he is more evil wizard Saruman than saviour. He cuts a stare and is totally unforgiving. Remember how his feathers were ruffled when Paul "Baked Bean" Callaghan was the woeful project manager on the task in France. You can see him saying or rather a booming "Selling cheese in France! How very dare you!"

Do not be deceived, these two bodyguards put the most heavyweight bailiff to shame. Sir Alan should be proud. And why not. These two are his eyes and ears who protect him from the contestants whose actions on this show leave a lot to be desired.

Current state of play

Well, it's week 8 and things are getting really good now. I think that's because the people left in the show all have certain qualitites that they bring to the table and it's not immediately obvious who will get fired. In previous weeks, some candidates have been so poor that it was obvious within five minutes who was going to get fired. That may of course be due to the way the show is edited. Maybe they purposely show the person fired in a bad light during the task, although thankfully that wasn't the case this week. I always think that it spoils the drama of the boardroom a little for me when they do that, so hopefully the rest of the series will employ this new, fairer editing.

Anyway, my take on the remaining contestants after the advertising task:

• Ghazal - had to go. She may talk loudly in the hope that she will be perceived as strong minded, but in reality she is easily influenced, immature and manages to talk but with no substance behind it. She didn't learn the lesson that being mouthy is one thing, but you have to back it up with real actions. Looking back, did she actually contribute positively to a single task? If she's a millionaire by the age of 30, then I think the National Lottery will have more to do with it than her business brain.
• Tre - I'm actually warming to him. He would be horrible to work with. He's incrediby impatient and selfish, but more often than not he's right about things. Could be a dark horse. But please trim that beard!
• Simon - clearly the favourite. He's competent, intelligent and crucially what sets him apart from all the others is that he actually gets on well with everyone - he's a good team player.
• Jadine - was actually a lot better on this task. She wasn't aggressive or touchy for a change and just got on with it but I can't see her winning.
• Christine - second favourite for me at this stage. She is very bright and has a good business brain. The only thing that lets her down is that other people don't warm to her and they all seem to think she's a b**ch, hence why I think Simon has the edge over her.
• Naomi - she's just filler. She'll be out soon enough. Doesn't add anything useful. The advertising task was supposed to be her strength but she didn't offer any real ideas. "Image is everything" - that was such vacuous, meaningless drivel.
• Lohit - a dark horse. Competent, likeable, gets on with everybody and mature but maybe a little quiet and in the background for Sir Alan. I think he prefers people who are just a little bit more "in your face". Third favourite for me.
• And finally Katie - she is this year's villain. Initially I thought Tre was this year's villain but she has well and truly taken the mantle. She is bright, articulate, competent, persuasive and influential and a goodish leader, but she is just such a political animal that it negates all her positives. I just don't think she is the kind of character Sugar would employ, but you never know. I can't wait for her interview with Adrian Chiles!

Questions from Series 3

Series 3 of The Apprentice has raised many questions. I've tried to summarise the most often asked here:

• How the hell is Katie only 31?
• Is Tre Jimmy Hill's love child? And I like the way the two of them are sharing facial hair - Tre has ownership of the beard while Jimmy has ownership of the moustache.
• Why do posh toffs even bother applying for The Apprentice? I think they could make the application process fairer by rejecting anyone who can't answer yes to at least 3 of the following: Did you grow up on a council estate? Did you bring up your entire family of seventeen siblings from the age of 11, even though you were the youngest? Did you start a business from your bedroom at the age of 10 just to be able to feed yourself? Do you have a cocker-ney accent?
• Do you think it was a deliberate pun when Sir Alan told Katie that she "had the bit between her teeth"?
• Who the hell is Jay? And how the hell can he have any friends when he wears naff trainers with "Street" written down the side in luminous green?
• How many Wotsits has Christina eaten to go that colour?
• Has Lohit ever had a girlfriend?

I think we deserve answers!

Job Titles?

What exactly does a "Brand Consultant" do? Is it just me or do the job titles get more vague every year? Simon is apparently an "Internet Entrepreneur". Does that mean that he's started the next Google or does it just mean he's sold some old tat on eBay for a minor profit? Still, it's not quite as bad (or honest!) as poor old Rory. His job title is "Bankrupt entrepreneur". An oxymoron if ever I heard one. Still, one thing is for sure. Whatever job title they came into the house with, the one they all want when they leave is the same. And it's NOT "The Apprentice".

Just after "The Apprentice - You're Fired" had finished on BBC2, if you'd started channel hopping, you'd have come across a show on Sky One called "Badger or Bust". It's a familiar format (think Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares but without the charm), where Ruth Badger is tasked with turning round failing businesses, although frankly you don't need to be a Harvard MBA to realise why the businesses featured are struggling.

The reason I mention it is that it is clear that the real title all the candidates want when they leave is "Media Personality". The Apprentice is the best reality show on TV, no doubt, but ultimately the motivation is the same as any other - to get your own show. And frankly - good luck to them. It happened for Saira Khan (apparently she has her own show on Children's BBC), it happened for the posh bloke on the first series who got his own radio show and it has happened in a big way for The Badger. In fact, now that I think about it, I could have sworn I saw the incomparable Syed from Series 2 on some reality TV Circus show. That shows the depths to which they'll go.

It'll be interesting to see which of this year's motley crew will be appearing on an obscure cable channel in a year's time. Will we see Simon fronting The Rap Show on MTV Base? Or Katie fronting The Racing Channel? (Or should that be participating?)

My money's on Tre, even though he has a face for radio. This guy is the most entertaining person on this year's show. I'm even shocked to see that in between being this year's pantomime villain, he actually comes out with some real pearls of wisdom. Should I be afraid that I am beginning to warm to this guy?

The Apprentice

Here we are at series 3 of The Apprentice. Are we in danger of big brother like eccentricitie taking over as contenstants use their knowledge from previous series to promote themselves on the show as if it is their only 15 minutes of fame leading to a career in the media on some channel you can only get if you are subscribed to the most obscure cable company, or are any of them truly interested in giving their full effort into working for the self styled barrow boy done good Mr Alan Sugar (oops Sir!).

So far I have to say it has been quite scary so far and pretty intense. The current front runners must be the Hampstead B-Boy Simon followed by the endearing (to some!) Tre who is street but also cool advertising executive as well (this is what he maybe thinks). Well, Cathering makes my top three but only because I cannot see others making it. She's bolshy and not liked but hey its for the job right? Then there is Katie. Does she have any friends with an accent south of Watford? I think not.

There have been some cringeworthy moments on this show so far and I am sure many more to come.

Over to you Shabs